Best Laid Plans

When You Cry for Your Mommy from the Woods

Day 1 Trinidad to Sante Fe-ish
347 Miles
11.5 Hours

Today didn’t go to plan.

I’d planned a route from Trinidad to the start of the New Mexico Backcountry Discovery route that was about 670 miles. I didn’t want to just slab it down there. I wanted the ride down to be as good as the BDR itself, if possible (not possible). Planning a route from a computer is not an easy thing because you have no actual clue what the hell you’re getting yourself into. I proved that today.

Today started off pretty great. By that I mean - nothing was stolen out of the truck at the seedy “pot-friendly” motel I stayed in. Yes! I got up fairly early and drove the truck to the Trinidad Police Department parking lot. I’d talked to them months ago and they said it was totally cool to leave the truck there during my trip. I unloaded the bike, had a little prayer over the camera equipment I’d brought for the Sam interview, hid the Sam interview footage up under the dash because that’s the only thing I’m leaving in the truck that’s not replaceable, and got my shit together. I loaded my 50 pounds of bullcrap on the bike and took off at about 8 am.

Three blocks away, my GPS unit said, No Power - shutting down… God damnit! I pulled over at a drive-through liquor store (just in case) and because the battery is under the seat I had to unload absolutely everything so I could take the seat off to see what was going on. I thought I must have screwed something up when we changed the battery. I wiggled some wires which is the extent of my skill set and it worked. I loaded everything back on the bike and took off once again. God damnit!

Now when you plan a route from home you do have some resources these days. You have Gaia which is an excellent route planner. And you also have Google Earth where you can look at most (but not all) of the roads you’re planning to travel. The problem is that as ADV Riders - we want the roads that are fucked up that go to fucked up places. And that’s a problem.

I turned off the pavement and headed into Ute Hills. I was so impressed with myself for making this route. I was absolutely gorgeous and there was no one there. It seemed to be a fracking operation mixed with public land. I loved it. Then the road kinda ended. I kept going anyway. Then I got back on a “road” for a bit. It wasn’t a road at all. Then I came to a gate with two padlocks. There was no way through. Now, this is an upsetting situation for an ADV rider. Here’s the thought process. “I don’t have a hack saw. I don’t want to get shot. I can’t get around. I don’t think I can build a ramp. I’m fucked. I have to turn around and deal with everything I dealt with to get here.” That’s not a great place to be. But after a couple of minutes of pacing and swearing,  you realize that you have no choice but to turn around. TURN AROUND! That’s the worst swear word there is. Let me say here and now as clearly as I can - private property and gates and fences and boundaries can fuck right off.

So with shame and depression, I turned around and dealt with all I’d dealt with to get there. After a few miles, I saw a utility truck up ahead blocking the road. In front of it was a gas worker swinging a gate closed. I pulled up and he waved me around. I stopped and said, “I’m glad I wasn’t a few minutes later - I would have been locked in here!” He said he wasn’t going to lock it and I could have gotten out, but that the gate wasn’t supposed to be open and I wasn’t supposed to be where I’d been. Oops. When one gate opens and all that… I asked him if there was any way through to the south, and he said nope. No way at all. He gave me some instructions on how to get over the mountains that I immediately forgot. He didn’t like me when I pulled up. But he did like me at the end of our encounter. My wife will laugh if she ever reads this, but I once got a free room upgrade at Disney World because of my charm. I believe in charm. It is a highly effective weapon. Of course, you can’t trust anyone who believes they themselves have charm. And that one instance of my charm having any effect at Disney world is what I use as evidence that I have charm from than til now with no other examples. So…

Let’s get back to the story. I did a big ole slab detour. For those of you who are not into ADV riding, slab is a dirty word. Dirt is a good word. We like dirt. I don’t know why. I don’t make the rules. But it was still very pretty.

The slab from wherever I was to La Veta was incredibly gorgeous and the roads were off the charts. Curvy with views for days. I didn’t complain (much). But it was a long long detour and it took me out of the mountains after La Veta and into the valleys to Taos which were hot and not as interesting as the route I’d planned. Several miles down the road I took a right/south on a forest road that took me deep deep into the Rincon Mountains and Carson National Forest. It was magical. Some difficult sections of steep rock mixed with silty sand. But worth it. On roads like this, you just can’t go more than 25 mph and often it’s much less. My friend Johnny Pow was in a bit of a wreck recently so I’m being even more careful than usual. I’m not an aggressive rider. I don’t care about going fast or pushing it. My goal is to get safely into the middle of nowhere. And that goal was accomplished. 

I climbed to the top of a mountain where my route was to have me take right. When I looked at the “road” I was supposed to take a right on - it was covered in logging shrapnel. Just a road of logs. Completely impassible by anything but a tank - and probably not passable with a tank. Okay - so what am I going to do? How can I get through in a way that’s at least headed vaguely the way I want to go? I entered “Sante Fe” into my GPS. It came up with a route. “Great. Let’s go.” Those could have been my last words. Not the worst last words if you ask me. 

Now I think we’re all a bit nervous about AI, are we not? But we should have been nervous a long time ago. Trusting a GPS is like trusting one of those wind-up mice that scurry across the floor and change directions when they hit a wall. The GPS brought me through a maze of forest roads to a dead end. A dead end that was dead endy as hell. The road it said was there was definitely not there. I certainly wished it had been. First, it brought me to a lovely mud bog which I was quite proud to make it through. But I wasn’t as proud to only make it halfway through. 

I was stuck. Stuck as hell. This is a moment that forces you to focus on the fact that you haven’t seen a human being in hours and that if you can’t get yourself out of this mess on your own, you’re pretty much screwed. After the first few minutes of panic, you get off the bike, you assess your situation with a clear head, and then you start panicking again. I got out and it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t pretty. Yay. And my reward was the GPS bringing me miles and miles into nowhere to deposit me on a dead-end road that went nowhere. The track on the screen went somewhere, but there was no actual road to go with it. Ain’t that a bitch? 

So now, I realized that I couldn't trust the GPS at all. When I looked at the Gaia map it was just a maze of a zillion little forest roads - I quite honestly had no idea how to get out. I could turn around - but there’s that mud bog back there and I’m not exactly sure I can make it through that again. I studied the Gaia map and lost focus. Too many little roads. I don’t know what the hell to do. Wait a minute - why don’t I just go this way for no apparent reason? I turned around, made it back out of a place that wasn’t easy to get to, and turned left because left seemed like a good way to turn. There was no other logic involved. It got rough. I got scared. I really thought I might just get incredibly lost out there, even with a GPS. The GPS was worthless. I kept going. I stopped and studied the map again. I made another turn. I saw what looked like it could be an actual paved roadway to the edge of my screen. I headed toward it. I have no idea how many miles or hours this took. Finally, I was on a road I thought would go through. And then I came to a puddle from hell. Now when you look at this puddle - you just see a puddle. I get it. But when I looked at this puddle - I saw a bike tipped over in the middle of it and realized that it’s totally possible to drown in four inches of water and I was pretty sure AAA wouldn’t be coming out this way any time soon. I walked through the puddle - and it was kinda deep. There was a shallow part along the right-hand side but it was sticky slippery muck. If I didn’t just jam on the throttle and hit the perfect line and didn’t get messed by the mud - I’d probably make it. That’s not a confidence-inducing statement.

I did make it. Miracles come in all shapes and sizes. I have no earthly idea how long it took me to get out of Carson Forest, but it was a long time. When I got to the pavement, I entered Sante Fe into the GPS and I just wanted the fasted way to get there - I wanted no views, no cool roads, no nothing. Just get me there. I’d picked out a campsite and headed toward it. The road I took was hot and awful. No views, no cool roads, no nothing. But whatever. It took an hour to get to the campsite - and at this point, it was 7 pm. I thought I’d be there by 4 pm. I was hot, tired, and devastated when I hit yet another gate (signs) and an announcement that the campground was closed for no apparent reason. I’m sure this is karma for who knows what. Take your pick karma.

I found another campsite, but it was far away. On the way to it, I saw a casino, pulled in, got a room, and said screw it. This wasn’t how I wanted the day to go, but that’s the way the day went.

Johnny Pow let me know later that I could have taken the High Road to Taos toward Sante Fe which would have been lovely. I missed it. Oh well - next time.

I didn’t eat one thing today. Not even coffee. I planned on cooking a camp meal for dinner, but I’m too tired. But I did pick up two IPA tall boys at the gas station. The important part to remember is, I had some great adventures, I saw some beautiful scenery, I took some chances only an idiot would take, I scared the shit out of myself, and I made it through. I felt some gratitude for getting to take a shower - and we have tomorrow to try again.

NOTE: I’m on the road typing in less-than-ideal circumstances, so spelling and grammar no longer count. If I don’t post it’s because I don’t have service! I know you’re all waiting with giddy anticipation… To watch all of this on video when they post - subscribe to the YouTube channel.