I Slept with a Dead Cow

The Elk Carcass Room was Booked

Day 3 Ruidoso to Roswell to Carlsbad to Queen to Weed
299 Miles
9 Hours

Good Lord Jesus. Last night at the motel I commiserated with Mission Control a bit. I’d looked at my proposed route for today and Google Earth was showing some long deep sandy roads in the middle of nowhere that looked hot as hell and no fun. So I scrapped that. Johnny Pow suggested a route that he took on his Continental Divide Ride, but it was a 100-mile detour for where I wanted to end up so I didn’t think that would work. I created another more straight and direct route east of Cloudcroft and thought that would be scenic and fairly chill. I loaded both of them (just in case) from Gaia to Garmin Explore and I checked on my phone to make sure it synched with Explore. Because if it did, then it would just show up on the Zumo GPS device I use on the bike. All good. 

I packed everything, shut the motel door, started the bike, looked at the GPS - and no tracks. I tried to figure out how to get them transferred from my phone but it didn’t happen. Okay - I knew my route took me through Twin Forks so I just entered that in the map and figured it’d take me in the right direction. But it didn’t - it took me down 70. After 15 miles I pulled over again realizing that this wasn’t right. At this point, I was so confused, and the Zumo was not really easy to deal with. It’s great for following a track, but it sucks for planning or making new ones. Finally, I just became so frustrated that I entered Carlsbad into the damn thing and just went the way it told me. It wasn’t too scenic and it wasn’t at all what I had in mind. Whatever. Full failure. 

It took me through Roswell and I was interested to see what that was all about. I’m not sure what I expected, but there were a few alien signs and alien-themed stores, and it didn’t look all that interesting. I rolled on through, made it to Carlsbad, and fueled up to the tippy top. It’s 150 miles to the next fuel in Weed, but I’d heard that sometimes they don’t have gas at all. I should have a range of about 230 so I knew I’d be fine, and I have another 30 miles worth of spare fuel too. But still, knowing I’m fine doesn’t always make the fuel anxiety go away. I hit the road toward the start of the New Mexico Backcountry discovery route and stopped at Queen which is a one store down in the middle of Lincoln National Forest. I had a burrito and it was good - that’ll do me for the day. Ten miles further I finally came to the route itself and started to ride up the Guadalupe Rim.

There was a spot I’d picked to camp that I planned on stopping at. Camping was no longer an option because my schedule got screwed up a bit, but man would it have been a good spot. I was there right around noon which is the worst time of day for pretty light. I could only imagine what it’s like at sunset and sunrise. Next time. What an incredible area.

The route followed the rim forever. I’d drift away from it and then back for another view. Fantastic. Hot, but fantastic. The road was very rough, and it changed constantly so I had to be on my toes. I think about Johnny Pow’s wreck and that keeps me off the throttle and paying attention. Most of the time.

Along the way, I kept thinking about rattlesnakes. I heard them along the edge of the road in the rocks, but it was just insects. I imagined taking a spill and crushing some rattlesnake eggs with my helmet and coming to in time to see a mama rattlesnake headed for me. My last request, if she was into granting a last request, would have been to bite me somewhere on my face that wasn’t too sunburned. I’ve been putting on sunscreen all day and the sun’s like, yeah - fuck you and your sunscreen. The sun can be a real dick sometimes.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this yet or not, but I had decided I wanted to do a raffle of some sort for my YouTube viewers. I have some stuff piled up at home that is brand new and I thought I might give it away instead of selling it. Some of it I’d won from the BDR Film Festival and some are products I’ve been sent to review. So I made some Golden tickets, had them laminated, and the plan was to hide them out on the trail, give the coordinates and a description of where they are, and then if someone goes through the trouble to find them, they’re entered in the raffle 25 times. Anyone can enter once as soon as I get it set up. But - I don’t feel great about burying laminated cardboard in a national forest. I need to think of another way to do it. So I’m going to hide some at stores or restaurants instead. I don’t feel as bad about that for some reason.

The road got more and more remote and I was feeling great. This is what I wanted.

I came to an especially nice section of the road near the rim and got the drone out. I was sort of leapfrogging with it, sending it down the road and then riding through and then sending it off to the side and riding through, etc. And one time, I rode too far. The remote said, “Disconnected.” Shit. I sped back - I’d ridden way too far away from it. I haven’t wrecked a drone in a long long time and I was going to be bummed if I’d lost this one. At the top of a hill, it connected. YES! But the picture from the camera wasn’t showing and I wasn’t all too sure where it was. Then is said, “Battery dead, landing.” NO! So now - I have to figure out where the hell it was. I had a mark on the map on the remote - so I headed there panicking that I’d lost the footage I’d already taken (and that I’d lost an expensive as shit drone). I got off the bike and started running around looking for it in the dusty scrub. I was right on top of the spot where it was supposed to be, but it wasn’t there. It was kind of close to the cliff and I thought - oh no - it landed at the bottom somewhere. But then, there it was! Some music swelled and we embraced. I leaned in for a kiss, but the drone had zero interest in that. Prude.

\As I got closer to Weed, the GPS unit started shutting off. What now?! I stopped and I wasn’t getting power anywhere. Not the tank bag, not the GPS - oh no. This happened at the start of the trip but fixed itself. Sometime between then and now it unfixed itself. There’s nothing I can do about it here. I’ll take a look when I get somewhere with shade - and there hasn’t been anywhere like that all day yet.

I made it to Weed and they did indeed have gas. A cute little store. I always wonder who lives in places like this. There was an old guy (when I say old guy - I now mean someone my age) on the porch eating an ice cream sandwich with a coffee. I sat down to drink an iced tea with him and he started telling me about weed. Not Weed the town - just weed. He grows it for a living. He hates that it’s become legal because prices are down. He likes Delta 8. I asked him if he knew of any places to pitch a tent nearby and he said yes. “Up the road 1.5 miles and on the right. There’s a government campground with about five spots.” He wanted to tell me more about weed, but I thanked him and took off.

I followed his instructions but it didn’t seem right. I went up this extremely rough rocky road. And this is what I found.

Nope. Not all that inviting. I looked around a bit more, and went down a few roads that weren’t really roads. I couldn’t find the place. Ugh! There was one spot I’d scoped out on iOverlander so I headed toward it. There was a gate that said, “Please Close Gate, Thank You!” I took that to mean, “You can come through here…” But still, I always get a bit nervous about stuff like this. Then the thunder started. Oh jeez, I gotta find a place and get set up pronto. I rode up to this. If you can’t tell what that lump is, it’s a dead cow.

What’s with all the carnage around here?! So - not a very inviting place either, but beggars and choosers and all that. I picked a spot well away from Mr. Deady over there and set up. Shit, I have to fix the bike too before it starts pouring!

I found the problem. A connector unit that all the wires run into had completely disintegrated. Great. I don’t like dealing with electricity of any voltage. And because of that, electricity returns the favor and doesn’t like me either. I was unscrewing the red terminal and touched the frame and it arced. There’s now a little weld mark on my all-in-one tool. I rigged it up enough so I can get through tomorrow. But this is a bummer. I had things set up so that I could camp for as many nights in a row as I wanted to or needed to and I had a way to charge everything on the bike - including the laptop that I need to write this God damned report and download the footage. I’m not sure what I’m going to do.

I got the bike put back together right as the rain started falling. I crawled into the tent and started doing my charging and writing. This is what my office looks like. The only thing I like about it is the Evan Williams that a viewer gifted me (thank you Richard!) and my sexy legs. It takes me a solid 2 hours to get everything done. So getting to camp at 5 pm or so is ideal for me. Then when I’m finished I can chill for a minute, toast the day with a little swig, and get to sleep early so I can get out of here before Angry Rancher shows up.

My route planning has been a bit of a bust, so I was glad to be on the actual BDR today. Gorgeous. I started thinking the weird thoughts that you can only think in the middle of nowhere all by yourself.

The cows are roaming free and I’m positive they’re going to scare the living shit out of me at some point tonight. As long as it’s not the dead one, I’ll probably be okay.

The rain comes and goes - the thunder is gone. The wind just changed and Mr. Deady is making an aromatic appearance. What kind of messed up dreams will that induce? I’ll let you know.

NOTE: I’m on the road typing in less-than-ideal circumstances, so spelling and grammar no longer count. If I don’t post it’s because I don’t have service! I know you’re all waiting with giddy anticipation… To watch all of this on video when they post - subscribe to the YouTube channel.