The Clock, She Ticks

Date Night

Jen and I have attempted a weekly date night for about a decade. It usually lasts about three weeks and then disappears. We’re trying it again now. Wednesday night is date night, which I like because it breaks up the work week and forces us to stop working and get out into the world a bit. We live in a beautiful and vibrant city, but we don’t take advantage of it. Asheville has become overcrowded, and overdeveloped, and has suffered all of the negatives that come along with that. But it’s still a little gem nestled in the mountains of Western North Carolina and still deserves the nickname “Paris of the South.” It was the same during our years in Los Angeles. We stayed within an eight-block radius of our little bungalow. We didn’t take much advantage of what LA had to offer.

For our last date night, we went to a little restaurant called Chai Pani which serves Indian street food. They recently won a James Beard award so there’s been a line out the door - but not on this night. It was early on a Wednesday and the weather was shit so not many people were out and about.

I told Jen about something I’d heard from a friend. Someone he’s close to had found out suddenly that they had colon and liver cancer. They gave her 6 months to live. She’s 61 years old. When you hear things like this, the only thing you can do is wonder if something like that is hatching plans to happen to you as well. 61 is only 5 years away for me, 6 for Jen. The way time’s blasting by - that’s essentially the day after tomorrow. And of course, realizing this sent us back to our old favorite of talking about how we need to do whatever it is we want to do now. Do it all now.

(Here’s a little video I did on this subject)

Jen has been waffling on the idea of doing the Tuk Tuk race across India. She’s a little nervous and scared about taking it on. I don’t blame her. She also really wishes that some friends would do it with us so there would be at least a few mentally stable people in the mix to offset what she believes will be my maniacal need to complete the race at all costs. She’s not wrong to be worried, but I’ve promised her that I’m going to be chill. Honesty, I don’t care about the race part at all. All I care about is crossing India in a ridiculous Tuk Tuk with my wife. The pure stupidity of the idea makes it something that I must do. But as God is my witness (it’s doubtful God would ever agree to be my witness) we will complete the route come hell or high water, dysentery or Tuk Tuk flip-age, breakdowns or fiery crashes - WE WILL CROSS THAT FINISH LINE ON OUR HANDS AND KNEES CARRYING THE TUK TUK IN TRASH BAGS IF NEED BE! This is the attitude that Jen isn’t crazy about.

If she really doesn’t want to do it - I have plenty of idiot friends who would surely go with me. But when I rode cross country on a tiny 125cc motorcycle I thought often about doing something like that with Jen. She’s not riding a motorcycle 5,000 miles. That’s simply not in the cards. A Tuk Tuk is the closest we’re going to get. In my mind, this is the best idea I’ve ever had.

We went on to talk about the fact that when you get any sort of devastating news - dealing with that thing becomes your entire life. It has to. If either one of us gets seriously ill - fighting it will become our main job and everything else is instantly deprioritized and will become vapor. I can see this fact weighing on Jen - making her realize that if there is anything that we truly want to do - we have to do it. It’s not a new realization. We have to do it. We have to do it all. We have to do it all now.

So we’re trying to make a list of things we’d like to do from most strenuous to least. Tuk Tuk is in the top spot right now. Hiking the Dolomites is up there. I’d like to do the Ha Giang Loop in Vietnam on tiny motorbikes. There’s a hike in France we want to do. There’s the Camino. The Coire na Tulaich and West Highland Way in Scotland, the Kumano Kodo in Japan. I need to do the Dalton Highway sometime. There’s a rally race across Mongolia using cheap compact cars (run by the same folks who put on the Tuk Tuk race in India). The Velebit in Croatia. 60 miles in the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho. And once we just don’t have the physicality anymore (not that I have it now), we can slide into some beach laying and sightseeing and exploring the US by RV. I’m not sure where we’re getting the money for all of this. But there’s only one thing better than making a list, and that’s adding a checkmark next to the items on it.

It’s easy to see that part of her would prefer to go to Costa Rica and lie on the beach. But part of her loves the idea of doing a ridiculous adventure with her idiot husband while we still can. I just have to get that part of her to 100%. And then I have to make sure we don’t get in a fiery Tuk Tuk crash where those injuries become our entire life.

I’ve always thought I had a decent skill of bringing people around to my way of thinking. Here’s what I tell myself, “I’m not manipulative, I provide motivation. I’m not an instigator, I’m an initiator.” Wish me luck…